Are you planning on wearing a veil to your wedding ceremony? I often like the soft romantic look that it gives to a bride.
Just as we are discovering with some other wedding traditions, the tradition of wearing a veil has a less than romantic birth. It is believed that the origin of the tradition dates back to Roman days when the bride would wear a full-length veil that was also used as her burial shroud. I read that veils had color once, Roman veils were red and in Greek, yellow. Also, Roman beliefs were that wearing a veil would throw off the evil spirits that were potentially stalking the bride. It seems that these spirits were envious of the couples happiness and the veil/disguise tricked them. So easily fooled! So, for Roman’s the veil was certainly dual purpose. We can also look to the days when capturing a bride was all the rage…the veil is a reminder of the act of the groom, or should I say abductor throwing a sack over the prospective bride’s noggin and then carrying her off to her wedding. I think these theories seem to conflict, back in Roman days, the spirits were jealous of the bridal couple’s happiness, and then what, marriage evolved to kidnappings and then business arrangements, and then back to the modern days of marrying for love? More research may be required on this subject.
Other traditions hold that a woman wore a veil because the groom in the arranged marriage wasn’t to see the bride until the marriage was official; this was done so that the groom wouldn’t back out based on her appearance. A nice invention after all, it lets the couple focus on the business deal at hand!
Modern day veils. According to OurMarriage.com ”Veils came into vogue in the United States when Nelly Curtis wore a veil at her wedding to George Washington’s aid, Major Lawrence Lewis. Major Lewis saw his bride to be standing behind a filmy curtain and commented to her how beautiful she appeared. She then decided to veil herself for their ceremony.” She was a trend setter here in the U.S.
There are themes of the bride’s veil demonstrating the male dominance over the woman, a willingness for the wife to obey her husband. Huh? My guess is that historically (but more recent history, not ancient), society looked at the history of kidnappings, arranged marriages etc., and when wearing a veil you were acknowledging the man as the dominant one in the situation’. But wait, didn’t I wear a veil because I liked the finishing touch that it offered to my ensemble? Maybe I liked the romantic, soft look that it gave to my face! But, I digress. Again OurMarriage.com states that; “The lifting of the veil (by the groom) at the end of the ceremony symbolizes male dominance. If the bride takes the initiative in lifting it, thereby presenting herself to him, she is showing more independence. ” So, with this bold act of the bride lifting her own veil, are we are seeing the birth of ending misogamy? …the birth of the women’s right act?
Are we women throwing aside the symbolic submission in a marriage, i.e., the veil, by not wearing a veil to our weddings? Are we wearing a veil to say “hey, I think this makes me look pretty and romantic; and, I may do your laundry from time to time, but don’t ask me to obey you! Honestly, when I got married, I did not know the history behind this tradition, I just thought the veil looked cool.
Something old, something new,
something borrowed, something blue,
and a silver sixpence in her shoe.
This saying came from England from the Victorian Era. Each aspect of the poem embodies an item of good luck, and a good wish for the bride. Out of the many traditions that we have surrounding weddings, personally, I really like this tradition. It doesn’t come with a weird background, like carrying a bouquet to cover your body odor, or not seeing the groom, so that he won’t run away leaving you at the altar because you are not attractive enough. This one has a very good well-wishing, loving energy to it. It is based in sending the bride off with positive pieces of her past, present, and future. And, you as a bride can have fun with it. If you agree read on!
The OLD represents the brides heritage of the past, continuity if you will. A time to reflect on the successful marriages that the bride/you have experienced in your life, and the desire to bring that success to your union. I once read on a post in The Knot that the traditions in the poem are not of great importance, just little tokens, and that you should not stress about them: feel free to go ahead and take the pressure off of yourself by wearing a used pair of hose. (Washed I am assuming?!) But, I like the idea of putting a little more thought into it. I do not see it as a stress, but perhaps a time to reflect on what is important in your upcoming marriage, and a way to privately express those thoughts. Perhaps you have a piece of jewelery from a grandparent, or I have witnessed brides redesigning and wearing their mother/grandmothers old wedding dress. Another bride wore an antique dress that was about 100 years old! So cool! I personally carried my grandmothers lace handkerchief, and it made me feel like her memory was present with me.
The NEW represents the optimism and success of the new life ahead. This is pretty easy, I am sure that every bride is excited and optimistic about their upcoming marriage, just as I am sure that every bride has something new in their wardrobe for the big event, the shoes, flowers, dress, veil, underwear, etc.. If not, fall back on The Knot’s recommendation of taking the pressure off, by buying a NEW pair of hose! And, there is that tradition of the groom buying his bride a gift. I have witnessed the groom giving his bride a watch, or piece of jewelry and she knew about the gift in advance, and planned on that gift being the ‘new’ item that she would wear.
The groom hands his bride a gift, she wears it to the ceremony and comply’s with the tradition of something new.
The BORROWED. It is a symbolic form of support from one of your happily married gal pals or relative. They are passing on their marital success, blessings and bliss to your marriage. You borrow an item and with it, its’ positive good marital energy and return it afterwards (otherwise it would change the poem to something old, something new, something kept, something….) It is also believed to symbolize that you can depend on that lending person; I think perhaps you depend on them, the lender, for marital bliss advice. It is the same as something old with respect to the item itself…a piece of jewelry, watch,dress, scarf etc. will suffice for the borrowed item. Borrow something that you like and feel comfortable with and presto; enjoy the well wishes that comes with it!
Something BLUE. Blue has been involved with weddings for many, many years. Ancient history is involved here. In Rome, blue was worn by the bride to symbolize loyalty, fidelity, purity, and love. Before Queen Vicky changed dresses to white, blue was a popular wedding gown color. In the past the bridal couple wore blue borders on their wedding attire to express the same ideas that the Romans expressed with blue (loyalty, fidelity, purity and love). I have seen the bride wear the following items in blue: shoes, nail polish, garters, flowers, rings, jewels, etc. to comply with this part of the poem. Be creative with it. Or, if you are stressed by this, just go for the blue hose, used preferably to kill two birds with one stone!
This bride wears a beautiful pair of blue suede ballerina flats, adding a lovely, colorful touch to her gown and complies with the tradition of something blue.
And…the part that we U.S.A. Citizens seem to have forgotten: …..and a silver sixpence in her shoe. So, the poem/tradition is British and the sixpence is a coin from Britain dating from 1551 to 1967. It was made of silver and worth six pennies. According to AskYahoo, a silver sixpence in the bride’s shoe represents wealth and financial security. It may date back to a Scottish custom of a groom putting a silver coin under his foot for good luck. For optimum fortune, the sixpence should be in the left shoe. These days, a dime or a copper penny is sometimes substituted, and many companies sell keepsake sixpences for weddings. And these days, who couldn’t use some reassurance on a future fortune?
This is a tradition that you can really sink your teeth into! If you are not the creative type, it is still easy to accomplish, think previously worn blue panty hose and three are knocked off the list! What I like most, is that you take time out from the hustle bustle of planning and, you stop and think about what is important from your past, (the happy influencing marriages from your past), and you look at your present day marriage mentors and then you look to your future dreams for your wedded life. How nice is that?!
Then you fly to England to collect for yourself a sixpence in an antique shop and you have got a nice trip to England out of that deal. Or skip the trip to England and put a dime in your shoe. It can be a very inexpensive tradition that you stick to (if you skip the trip to England), that brings around happy, positive, reassuring thoughts to your upcoming nuptials. Enjoy!
Nicole in the new version of her mother’s wedding dress.
Bethany’s gown is over 80 years old. The wedding theme was an ‘antebellum period wedding’, this dress was an amazing touch.
Why does the bride carry a bouquet? The origin of this tradition is a little blurred…. One of the reasons that brides carried bouquets was born out of the ‘necessity’ of covering odor, trying to smell pretty on that special day. Ever take a tour in one of the older cities in Europe, let’s say Edinburgh for example? It was a very odiferous lifestyle way back then! In the 1600′s and for a very long time afterwards, people bathed extremely infrequently. According to the Huffington Post, during the 15th century, people took their yearly baths in May and would generally get married in June. Just to be safe, brides carried bouquets to mask the smell of body odor. You will find this reason repeatedly if you research the tradition behind the bride carrying a bouquet. Another old and popular custom for carrying a bouquet, was to ward of evil spirits. Usually these bouquets were made from very pungent herbs, spices and yes, garlic could be involved. I am thinking that you could kill two birds with one stone with a garlic bouquet; evil spirits and evil odor could be knocked out with one bouquet! Oh the old days! Sometimes the spices/flowers that were included in the bouquet, for example; dill and marigolds (edible) were added and subsequently served up at the wedding feast to promote lust. So think about the fun that you can have with your bouquet! I will paraphrase what I recently read in “Herlife” Magazine with regard to the tradition. ”In ancient times, a bride was considered especially lucky on her wedding day. So, guest were compelled to tear off parts of her dress to obtain a good luck talisman for themselves! Not all brides cared for this activity, as it seamed unpleasant to have their clothing ripped from her bit by bit, compliments of the guests. So it evolved, that the bride outsmart her guest by giving an offering of herself; enabling a guest to obtain a lucky talisman and allowing herself to keep her clothing intact: she starting throwing her garter and bouquet in lieu of pieces of her dress.”
I was glad to find this article, because it now explains to me some of the crazy bouquet grabbing, or should I say tackling behaviour that I have witnessed at some of my family and friends weddings! Somewhere around the 1700′s brides started carrying pretty bouquets, because: bouquets are pretty! and, this tradition is still in style today. bouquets bring beauty, elegance, a touch of the color scheme, and a bit of the old custom to your day. There are many florist to shop for your flowers, if you are looking for a good florist here in the Evergreen, CO area, check out Stems, I simply must mention them here, because I have seen some really creative, elegant, and impressive flowers at some of the weddings that we have photographed, all compliments of this designer. But, I digress. So, bouquets: they also may be used to express yourself through the flowers themselves. Roses represent everlasting love, lilac is for first love, Stephanotis is good luck, ivy says fidelity and on and on. You can really add some beauty and say a lot about yourself with a bouquet. This custom seems to have evolved quite a bit from its origin, but todays tradition for the bouquet: added beauty and personal expression.
Why don’t the bride and groom see each other before the wedding ceremony?
A hundred years ago or so, the bride and groom would put on their best clothing and walk together to the church or town meeting center to ‘make it official’.
And, years before that, when arranged marriages were the norm, the betrothed were never permitted to have a glance at one another. Marriage was business, and it meant acquiring land, property and other goods through joining two people. No father wanted to muck up a perfectly good business deal by having the groom see the potential bride and not like what he sees, thus backing out of the deal. That bride needed to be a 10 on the attractiveness scale for a dad to take such a chance of letting the groom see her before the ceremony. In some cultures, dowry’s were involved, ah the dowry, no father wants his son to lose that, so, again, no visual for the bride and groom. In other words, it was considered “bad Luck” for the groom to see the bride because the groom, back in the day, would leave the “visual unpleasing” bride at the alter, indeed bad luck for her.
In the last couple of years, there has been a trend for people to marry because they love one another, and also, they are usually very attracted to each other! Win, win!
In the U.S., arranged marriages are not very common nowadays, however, many brides still don’t allow their groom to see them before the wedding. Many brides believe it gives them a sense of excitement and longing, making their wedding day more memorable. And then many brides enjoy hanging out with their betrothed for a spot of time before their ceremony, allowing them to calm nervousness and share intimate moments together before the ceremony.
So, have you thought it through? Will you see each other before the wedding?
From a photographers standpoint, we will do whatever you wish; it is your day, but some of the best “first glance” photo’s are birthed out of the calm meeting of bride and groom before the spotlight of the ceremony. Again, I would like to restate, it is your day, so we will do whatever you would like with respect to seeing each other before the ceremony or not. With that said, Dave and I have had discussions about the difference that we see when a couple sees each other pre-ceremony versus when they do not. I personally think that is gives us a chance to capture the “first look” photos but something more; it gives the bride and groom a tender visit with each other. A time to calm each others nerves, a very intensely romantic time. The average couple will feel nervous before they walk down the aisle, let’s face it, it is not every day that you do this! Personally, I think it would be very romantic and very cool to see a tradition form, where the couple spends some time together before the ceremony, reaffirming their love, calming, soothing and celebrating their bond together before they make their grand entrance! After all, we are no longer talking about a business deal that might fail because of aesthetics…we are talking about the latest tradition of marrying for love. Below are some pics of a “First Look” from a recent wedding.
What are your thoughts?
So, why do we have a best man in a wedding? If you are in the mindset of a 2012 Groom, you would probably say: To hang on to the rings during the ceremony, make sure that the groom has the marriage license, to help the groom dress for the ceremony, legal witness to the marriage, or perhaps to single that man out as a very important person/friend to the groom.
This current role, evolved from a very different “best man” role. The best man, at one time, was there to support his best friend that was seeking and capturing a bride. In a situation where men greatly outnumbered women, this scenario was necessary. And since kidnapping, I meant to say, acquiring a bride could be so much work, it was too much for just one man, alas, his most trusted friend would be asked to help in this endeavor.
The best man role continued to evolve, and somewhere around 250 A.D. his task was to safeguard the bride, against the threat that the bride’s family would attempt to forcibly kidnap, and again, I meant to say; forcibly re-aquire the bride. The best man was armed and ready to fight for his friend, and the groom’s, bride. He also guarded the new couples home after the ceremony.
And, I recently read in the book “Common Phrases And Where They Come From” by: Mordock & Korach a similar, but different version. ”In feudal days a rival of the groom, if he was any kind of a gallant, took an oath to carry off the bride before or during the nuptials. Since marriages were arranged and the groom often wasn’t the brides first choice, romantic triangles were not uncommon. In order to avoid the rival, most nuptials took place under cover of night. fortunate was the groom who could get as a best man, a worthy and versatile warrior to defend him against his rival should he discover where and when the wedding was to take place.
A wise best man would enlist a coterie of ushers in armor who were expert lancers to accompany him to the ceremony. Behind the altars of many a feudal church were stored for emergency use by wedding parties; huge collections of long lances with torch socket. The lances were used both for defense and for illumination during a get-away. Only the bravest of the brave volunteered to attend a bridegroom at his nuptials, and the best man was truly the best man, for if he was unable to fight down the groom’s rival and his supporters, the groom would lose his bride.”
Sheesh. So much work for the best man back then! Now all he has to do is mind the ring, the marriage certificate, make a lovely toast and have some fun at the reception! Anyway, ladies, aren’t you glad that all of the kidnapping, weapons, and violence is out of the picture?
Long before Queen Victoria set the trend of wearing a white wedding dress, European brides bought a practical garment that would be worn on many occasions after the marriage. The lower class favored black as it made the dress more practical. I once read that author Jane Austen’s mother wore a red dress to her ceremony, this was typical for someone of her socioeconomic background. When a white dress was worn, it was a color of mourning, brides would don white when they had recently lost a close relative, that was of course until Queen Victoria came along.
Are we seeing a trend for colored wedding dresses? Reese Witherspoon, Julianne Moore, Gwen Stefani and other famous people chose to wear a non-white dress for their wedding. Or should I say; are we seeing fashion go further back into the tradition of a colored wedding dress…since historically gowns have had color for longer than they have not. The history behind gowns is rich and full of influence from fashion, social status, religion and culture.
The runway, 2012, is definitely showing more color this year than in many years past with colored wedding dresses or splashes of color on the wedding dress. It will be interesting to see if the trend takes hold. Do you have a prediction? Are you a bride that wants to set herself apart from the others, or are you more steeped in tradition? Did you ever know the background of why us girls choose white in the first place? I would love to hear from you!
One of the publications that showcased a departure from the white wedding dress was Grace Ormonde Wedding Style, but then again, it had many white dresses as well!
Whatever you choose: a pink dress, white, or white with a splash of color at the sash, you will look beautiful. Enjoy your special day, and don’t be afraid to think outside the box!
I would like to introduce my wife Peggy. As some of you may know Peggy is a second shooter that works with me, and foremost, she is my lovely wife. Having been through a wedding of our own and witness to many friends, family and client weddings, she has and avid interest in the art of putting together a wedding.
Often when we meet with clients, Peggy will go along. She’ll often speak her mind when it comes to what we see when people are influenced by traditions and customs. She would also tell you that she see’s many couples motivated by the objective of making their wedding different. Either way, the ceremony and celebration are always interesting and it is fun for my wife to watch the process unfold into the final day.
She will be writing a few blog posts on the subject of wedding traditions. Just in case you are interested on the background details of the customs and traditions that may be influencing your wedding.
I hope that you will enjoy her posts!
Trust me she’ll loves this pic! ha ha!: